Roadtrippin'
by Atomic Cube
Summary: NO SLEEP TILL.... Ahh, who cares. Getting there is all that matters, right? When Ness, Yoshi, Falco, and Ganondorf all go on an eight hour road trip, you know it's gonna be insane.
1. It starts here

A/N: This is what you get when you lock a girl in a car for eight hours with her dad, brother, and grandfather while blasting the Beastie Boys on the stereo. Okay dad, it's your fault. Each character is based off of a person I rode with. Let's see if you could figure them out. Oh, and most of these events actually occurred... The ones in the car at least...

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Ness was leaning against the wall of Smash Mansion. He was at the bottom of the long staircase with a great number of bags and cases at his feet.

"Okay, so... Water bottle, snack, Gameboy SP, CD player... and..." Ness mumbled under his breath as he checked multiple necessities off his note pad. "Extra hat, playing cards, doodle pad, stuffed animal rock lobster, blah blah.. Okay dude! I'm set!"

Just then, Yoshi slid down the rail of the staircase, clutching his fiery red DS. His feet met the floor, sliding forward a bit. The dino grinned at his unexpectedly smooth entrance. His smile left when he spotted the mass of luggage Ness had with him. "Dude, we're not moving out, it's just a road trip to some contest winner's house." Yoshi commented.

Ness set his note pad down on a suit case. "Yes, but It's my FIRST road trip, eight hours man! Plus there is a return trip, not to mention the stuff between."

"You mean the actual visit? We're only staying a couple hours."

"Yeah, well... you..."

Ganondorf appeared at the top of the staircase, waving to the two young smashers.

"Whew, saved by the weirdo..." Ness muttered under his breath.

Ganondorf reached the bottom. He was about to say something evil and ganondorf-ish when Falco came stumbling down the stairs with an over-sized luggage bag in his arms. He dropped it on the floor and dusted his wings off.

"Okay, lets go! Ness, use your powers to move all of this stuff into the van." Ness nodded and began lifting the luggage into the air. He stopped, struggling under the immense weight. "Arr... Yoshi... help." He called for his friend, who was busy playing the Pokemon Pearl version on his DS. "Yoshi..."

"..." Yoshi clicked the buttons on his DS.

"Help..."

"..."

"Dammit Yoshi!" Ness dropped all of the luggage on the floor with a crash. "When I say help, you help!"

Yoshi flipped his DS into sleep mode, glaring at Ness. "Rude! Maybe if you'd just wait a fungus flippin' second! I was in the middle of a battle!"

"I couldn't care less! Don't make me come over there and thunk you! You know I--"

The (awesome) sound of Falco's ray gun broke into their conversation. "Now," Falco began in a calm tone. "we're all just gonna get in the car and--" A piece of rubble fell from the ceiling and landed in the middle of the smashers. "Uhh..."

"DID SOMEONE JUST SHOOT THROUGH MY CEILING?" Master Hand's voice rang through the Mansion.

"Oh shit, RUN RUN RUN!" Falco, Ness, Ganondorf, and Yoshi all bolted out the door. They hopped into the car a skidded off, leaving their luggage behind.

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A/N: ...Yep. I actually own a stuffed animal rock lobster. It looks disgusting... but you have to love it, and you do. Heh. Ganondorf-ish.


	2. Hour one and two

A/N: I just chucked my favorite sock out of the window. Whoo, I'm so impulsive. NEVA KNOW WHAT'S NEXT, DO YA?!

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**The First Hour**

"Phew, close one." Falco sighed in relief as he drove the car around the corner. Ness was riding shotgun. Yoshi was behind Falco and Ganondorf was behind Ness.

"Dammit Yoshi, you completely screwed us all!" Ness turned his blazing eyes to the dino, who was busy with his DS. "You always mess things up! You suck!"

"Your FACE sucks!" Yoshi closed his DS and focused his attention on reflecting Ness's insults.

"You're ugly!" Ness fired.

"Your FACE is ugly!"

"You smell like koopa crap!"

"Your FACE smells like koopa crap!"

"I hate you!"

"Your FACE hates you!"

"WOOO! Good one Yoshay!" Ganondork joined in.

"I hope you die!"

"I hope your FACE dies!"

Ness squirmed, he knew that he was losing the battle. "Falcoooo..." He turned to Falco, who was just now driving onto the free way. "Make him stop! He's annoying!"

"Your FACE is annoying!" Yoshi crossed the line. He smiled smugly at Ness.

"Don't make me come back there and thunk you, because I WILL!" The boy threatened. Ness unbuckled his seat belt and began to climb out of his chair. Falco decided that thunking was going too far. He ended the fight by pulling Ness down by the ear and rolling his seat back to crush Yoshi. The two were done.

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**The Second Hour**

"Hey, Falco..." Ness began, staring curiously at a sticker stuck to the outside of the windshield.

"Yeah?" He replied, not taking his eyes off of the road.

"What does elibompimP s'dnaH retsaM mean?"

"... What?"

"It's what this sticker says..."

"What sticker?"

"Um, I dunno, Possibly the one my finger is on? The only sticker in the car?"

"Don't be a smartass Ne- Oh my Lord." Falco's beak dropped open.

"W-what?" Ness stared back at him.

"Master Hand's Pimpmobile... This isn't the car we rented."

Ness raised his eyebrow and looked over at Falco. "Okay. One, that's a retard name. Two... He's a hand... with his own car... Which raises further points I dare not go into. Three, you didn't notice this before?!" Ness was amazed by Falco's idiocy. Falco just shook his head and returned his attention to the road.

"Whatever man, we're already busted anyways." He replied, recalling shooting a hole in the ceiling.

"Hey look!" Ness clicked the glove compartment open. "Glove magazines!" He giggled, and flipped the magazine open. "This is so dorky man, I mean--" Ness stopped, his face freezing. He stayed that way for a few minutes. His eyes remained locked on the magazine until he closed them tightly. Slowly but surely, Ness gently closed the magazine and slid it back into the glove compartment. He then clicked it shut and placed his hands on his lap.

"Master Hand is demented." Was all he had to say.


	3. Hour three and four

A/N: This is this where the Beastie Boys come in. ARRRG. EIGHT HOURS. EIGHT OF THEM. I was about to explode. Over, and over again. I personally thought that they were okay... until this road trip. I found myself _rapping _at lunch.

**The Third Hour**

"Ehh, how about some music?" Ness popped a CD into the slot. He grinned and looked over to Falco. "I created a special roadtrip mix! Sweet, no?"

"It depends on what's on it." Falco replied.

"Well... It depends..."

_NO SLEEP TILL_

"Awh hell no." Falco quickly ejected the CD out before it could say 'BROOKLYN!'. He rolled down the window and tossed the CD out the window. It soared through the air before making contact with an innocent cow's head. The CD shattered into hundreds of pieces that the cow ate. The cow then had REALLY bad diarrhea throughout the rest of the week. Ness's mouth fell open. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?!" He screeched. "I mean, you could've just skipped to the next song! You didn't have to throw the CD out the WINDOW!" He waited for an answer. Falco just shrugged.

"It probably sucked any-"

He was interrupted by Ness, who was attempting to rap in order to annoy Falco. "I like cheese, you smell like Mii's from my favorite Wii!" Ness moved his hands as if playing on the turntables. "Weekaweeka wack, so just get of my back, and go down a thumb tack, because your an old hack and-"

"Pff-pff-pfft-pff-pff-pfft" Yoshi took time away from his DS to provide a beat, while Ganondorf made wave-ish motions with his hands and sang in a squeaky, high, girly backup-singer voice.

"So ya big bird, ya know you smell like a turd" Ness continued on his rap streak. "You got it, I'm awesome, so come here and get some. I rock, and you--" Falco took his hands off the wheel to cover his ears.

"Stop stop stop! This is so horribly painful! I feel like shooting the authoress in the head!"

Ganondorf ceased his hand movements. "That's not nice..."

"Yeah Falco!" Yoshi and Ness agreed.

"Well your rapping isn't nice, so STOP!"

Ness sighed. "Okay, since the authoress lubbs you so much... we'll stop.

"Thanks."

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**The Fourth Hour**

Yoshi was playing his DS while Ness stared at the passing cars.

"Hey Yoshi, lemme play that DS." Ness turned around and held his hand out.

The dino twisted his body away from Ness, still playing his DS.

"Yoshi!"

"..."

"Yoshi?!"

"..."

"Jerk!"

"..."

"Ugh! That's it!" Ness lifted his body part-way over the seat and began frantically waving his arms towards Yoshi, who just pushed himself out of Ness's reach.

"Yoshi!"

"Buzz off!" Yoshi finally responded as Ness was sliding closer. "I'm in the middle of a battle!"

"Woohoo!" Ganondorf cried out randomly. "Dance partaaayyy!" He screeched even more randomly.

"Yoshi! Give it!"

"Never! I'm playing!"

"DANCE DANCE DANCE!"

Falco sped the car up, causing Ness to fall back down to his seat. With Ness out of the way, he reached back, snatched the DS, and flung it out the window, much like the CD before it.

"HA!" He gloated. "Now NOBODY can play! So just sit down and-"

"That was your DS, Falco." Yoshi admitted as he tugged out his fiery red DS from behind his back.

"...What?"

"I was playing your DS. YOUR DS is the one being smashed by cars on the free way."

"ARRRR-WHY? WHY? Just, just..." Falco hit his head multiple times on the steering wheel, Ness giggled a bit. "My DS." Falco breathed in, pulled the car over, and looked at Yoshi. "Why were you playing my DS?"

"Because I knew you'd throw it out the window."

"Cruel! CRUEL YOUNG CHILDREN! THAT'S IT, I-"

"Dance party!" Ganondorf shouted randomly again. Falco stopped yelling to stare at Ganondorf. In fact, everyone stopped to stare at Ganondorf.

"Erm..." Ganondorf pulled at his collar uncomfortably. "Dance... party... They're fun.. and colorful..." Falco raised his eyebrow. "I mean..." Ganondorf tugged at his collar again. "EVIL! That's it. Evil. Dance parties are EVIL. MWAHAHAHhahahaha...haaa..." He coughed. Falco shook his head, started the car, and rolled back onto the freeway.

A/N: AWHYEAH. DANCE PARTY! Ganondorf is a genius. Plus plus, Falco is the mastah at controlling children while STILL driving.


	4. Hour five

A/N: Mwaha. Playhand and big thumbs. xP. I got the YOUR FACE thing from my brother... He always seems to have some super awesome comeback ready to chuck in my face. One time, I asked him to get me a yogurt... and he was all: "Your FACE... get... Face... Yogurt... uhhh.. I'll go get it..."

ANYWAYS, I got this chapter down. It's gonna be schweet.

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**The Fifth Hour**

Ness's belly rumbled. He whimpered loudly and turned to Falco, making his eyes large and watery.

"Falcoo-"

"What?!"

"I'm hungrrr-"

"OKAY!"

"Are you gonna-"

"No."

"PLEEEAAA-"

"Shut it!"

"Ahhhhh-"

"No."

"AHHHHHHH-"

"NO!"

"EHHHHAAHHHH-"

"Fine! FINE Fine... We'll stop by a Milkdonalds, something small though..."

"You're the best!"

Falco groaned. "I know..." He exited the freeway and drove to the nearest Milkdonalds. As Falco was parking his car Ness and Yoshi flung the doors open and began stumbling towards the entrance. About half-way there, they realized that they didn't have any money and came running back to Falco.

"Falco, can we--"

"No! You hoboes!"

"Get some money from Ganondorf's wallet?" They finished.

"Oh, uh. Yeah."

Falco reached inside the car and swiped Ganondorf's wallet from his pocket. The man was too distracted by a sign decorated with images of milk cartons to notice the disappearance of his wallet. Falco tucked the wallet in his pocket and walked towards Milkdonalds with Yoshi and Ness at his side.

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The greasy double doors opened, revealing a pretty-much-deserted fast food place. Ness and Yoshi snatched the wallet from Falco and ran up to the counter.

"Two big milk meals!" Ness ordered for the both of them while Yoshi took the money out of the wallet and shoved it across the counter.

"Hey guys!" The cashier answered, he sounded familiar. "Okay... two big milks..."

"Wait..." Falco leaned closer to the cashier. "...Pit?"

"Yup!" Pit grinned. He scratched the back of is head, a bit embarrassed. "Wow, caught working here... um... how do I explain it..."

"We don't really care."

"Oh, okay. But do you know how I how I got this AWESOME SCAR!" He then began flexing his arms. "Uh..." Yoshi squinted. "I don't see anything." He concluded, but Pit scoffed at him. "See?" Pit pointed to a tiny pale scratch a few inches above his elbow. "It's quite an interesting story actually, it all started when-"

"HAAH-AUGH!" Ganondorf appeared out of nowhere and delivered a super charged punch to Pit's face. Surprisingly, this only knocked him out, but it alerted more employees in the process. "Dammit Ganon stop punching every-" Falco was silenced with a smack from Ganon's cape.

A man in his twenties waiting in line behind the smashers fled in horror, but he wasn't fast enough. Ganondorf caught up to him and pushed him down while snorting with laughter, much like a playground bully would.

'Hey, you!" One of the cooks came out from behind the desk, rolling up his sleeves.

"HAAH-AUGH!" Ganondorf fired another punch, but for SOME REASON the attack missed it's target and hit Falco, who was behind Ganon himself. (How do you even do that...?) Given his experience, Falco just stumbled back a little, he then ruffled up his feathers and "got all up in Ganondorf's grill".

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Falco towered over Ganondorf. His feathers made him appear much more menacing. "Uh..." Ganon pondered. "I came... I came to save you guys from the evils of fast food! Yeah, that's right. TO THE SALAD BAR!" He then scampered behind Falco and back into the car.

"At least that wasn't violent." Ness looked over the scene of destruction as he said this.

"Lets just go before someone bigger than me shows up..." Falco pushed through the doors with Ness and Yoshi behind him.

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A/N: Mweehaa. Ganon. Deep in your hearts, you all wanted to see that. I apologize for the holdup, I was torn away from my computer before I could post this last Friday...


	5. Hour six

A/N: This is way crazier than my actual road trip. Though I wish this happened...

**The Sixth Hour**

Ness glanced at the clock, it was one o'clock in the morning. He yawned and twisted around in his seat. The faint sound of an attacking Pokemon made it to Ness's ears. He peered behind him. Yoshi was playing his DS, his eyes red and watery from playing six hours straight.

"Hey Yoshi..." He called quietly over to his friend, but received no response. "Yoshi?" Ness reached back and flashed his hand in front of Yoshi's line of vision. The dino didn't blink. "Heh... Hehheh..." Ness snickered to himself as he quickly snatched the DS from Yoshi's hands. Despite the fact that his DS was now in the hands of another, Yoshi continued to stare into space, his fingers clicking the imaginary buttons. "Sweet..." Ness returned to his normal position and began playing. He was about to choose his first move in a pokemon battle, when the screen suddenly went black. "...Eh?" Ness clicked the power off, then on, but nothing changed. "...Damn it. No power..." He mumbled angrily as he roughly shoved the DS in the glove compartment. "Hey Falco, can you believe that? Talk about unlucky." He began complaining to Falco, who surprisingly didn't stop to shut him up.

"Haah..." Falco sighed.

"I mean dude, he should've shared it earlier... the bastard..."

"Haah..." He sighed once more.

"Or Ganon, he could've swiped it from him to give to me... the bastard..."

"Haah..." Falco's sigh sounded much like his last two.

"Or you, YOU should've THOUGHT before throwing a DS out of the window... you bastard..."

"Haah..." Falco's sighs seemed almost rhythmic, so Ness turned to look at him. It was then that he noticed that Falco's arms were draped over the steering wheel, and his head hung in the most peculiar way. "Falco..." He noticed that Falco's eyes were closed, and that drool was slowly falling from his beak. "HOLY CRAP! FALCO!" Ness screamed and pointed. "THERE'S A GIANT BUG ON YOUR FACE!" He pushed his body up against the car door. Ness's breathing increased in speed, but then returned to normal when he noticed that there wasn't a bug, he was just stupid. "Haha..." He smiled sheepishly. "I bet I scared ya huh?" He punched Falco in the arm playfully. His limp body responded by falling over the steering wheel. The car responded by swerving off of the freeway. "HOLY CRAP FALCO! Ness screamed and pointed. "NOW THERE REALLY IS A BUG ON YOUR FACE!"

"Eh...?" Falco awoke from his sleep. "Ness why are you... OHMAHGAWD!" He cried out in shock as the car pulverized an innocent squirrel that had been perched in a tree. "Heheh..." Ganondorf chuckled while Falco had a seizure. Ness was still screaming about a bug, and Yoshi continued to play his invisible DS. Falco gripped the steering wheel and attempted to swerve back onto the freeway, but he only managed to murder more squirrels. Ganondorf was in rapture, Ness had passed out, and Yoshi was still clicking on the air.

"AUGH!" Falco squawked as the car lifted off from the ground, getting it's air from a rather large mound of dirt. The car soared through the night (This is when everything is in slow-motion and everyone's faces are frozen in a funny way.). It flew through the trees, and the road came into view. It flew to the far left lane, then make contact with the ground. It didn't take Falco long to steady his shaking hands and drive calmly, and since the road was basically empty, there was no accidents.

"Well that woke me up..." Falco stated weakly.

"Wait.." Unfortunately, Ness had regained consciousness. "YOU WERE ALSEEP?!"

Falco responded by flicking a bug in Ness's direction.

A/N: Shortness, I apologize. I'm scared of most bugs, but just bugs. Set me in a dark room, watch scary movies with me, take me up thousands of feet in the air... I'll do it all. But if you fling any type of bug at me, someone is going to get punched in all of the commotion... Actually... Don't watch scary movies with me. I ruin the whole thing by making fun of every single detail.


	6. Hour seven

A/N: Wow! I'm surprised at how this story is turning out! :D

**The Seventh Hour**

"Augh..." Falco rubbed his eyes violently. It was two in the morning, and the smashers were still on the road.

"Are we there yet?" Ness yawned. He hadn't fallen asleep once, and the many hours awake weren't healthy for a young boy like him. "No... one more hour..." Falco replied wearily. He popped a single CD into the slot. Falco slapped himself across the face a few times before the CD had completely loaded. At first, it was just a few faint sounds of a guitar and drums, but Falco reached over and turned the volume all the way up, making the car shake and bounce with the sounds of heavy metal. Ness covered his sensitive ears.

"You know, you could've boughten an energy drink instead of blasting music in all of our ears and RUINING OUR HEARING FOR LIFE!" Ness screamed over the music, but Falco didn't seem to hear him.

"MY EARDRUMS!" Ganondorf suddenly roared. "THEY'RE _BLEEDING!"_ Ness and Falco turned to look at the two seated in the back. Yoshi was still clicking his "DS", and Ganondorf had his left ear laid on the stereo.

"Get your damn ear off of it then!" Falco shouted. "What?" Ganon's position didn't change. "Pfft. Whatever." Falco returned his attention to the road. "If you want to be deaf, by my - HOLYGAHMAHGAWDCRAPOLASHIT!

Ness whirled around to catch sight of a panic stricken Falco. "Geeze dude. Why are you so - WOW!" Ness and Falco had seen the same thing, Crazy Hand was on the side of the road, holding up the hitchhikers thumb. The hand spotted the approaching car and leapt into the air, disappearing from view. "OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAP!" Falco's words couldn't be distinguished from one another, he was too panicked to speak right. He immediately shut off the heavy metal, carefully listening for any sounds of craziness. Falco heard nothing but the sounds of the engine and the tires on the road. He waited a couple minutes, but nothing happened.

"Whew..." He sighed and closed his eyes in relief. Ness patted him on the back. "It was probably just a trick of the light..."

"LIGHT PLAYS TRICKS ON YOO?!" Crazy Hand's voice sounded from behind them. Falco and Ness turned around slowly, and sure enough, there was Crazy Hand, nestled between Ganondorf and Yoshi. "Damn you light! YOU BACKSTABBER!" Crazy Hand proceeded to smash the wee little inside-car light above him.

"Crazy Hand?!"

"THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES. I'M A C-C-C-CRAAAYYYZY HAND!" He whirled around. Falco pulled the car over for fear of getting into an accident.

"Leave." He demanded cooly to the hand.

"MAN BOOBS!"

"Leave, now." Falco unlocked both of the backdoors.

"I HAVE BODY LICE!"

"EUGH." Ness's face contorted and he inched his seat up.

"Ganondorf." Falco turned to the evil one. "This would be an awesome time to punch him." Ganondorf shook his head silently.

"PBBTH!" Crazy Hand spit in Falco's direction. "TOUGH LUCK CRAP-FOR-BRAINS! GANON AND ME ARE LIKE THIS!" He crossed his fingers to display how tight he and Ganondorf really were. Ganondark nodded once more and gave Crazy Hand a fist-bump.

"This trip has already gone to hell, so you can just stay..."

"AWHYEAH THE HAND OF THE CRAZINESS TRIUMPHS OVER ALL THINGS!"

Falco pulled back onto the road, his throbbing headache worsening.

A/N: Sorry that took me so long. Damn testing. :(


	7. DONE! FIIIIINNNAAAALLLLYYYY!

A/N: Wow. Long time. Sorrrry. :(

Back during my last update, I was given several more projects, and a couple tests... So after it was done... I wanted a break... and it lasted longer than I intended.

"I spy with my little eye... Er..." Crazy Hand was wedged in between Yoshi and Ganon. He peered over his left, and then his right. "I spy... With my.. eye..."

"You don't have any eyes." Falco interrupted wearily.

"HOLYSHIT! NO EYES?!" Crazy Hand then proceeded to have a seizure. "HGGGTTTHHHPPTH!" Ganondorf, Ness, Yoshi, and Falco shared a group sigh.

"Crazy Hand?" Ness's voice was barely audible as he turned around in his seat. "Could you please stop being so crazy for the remainder of this trip? Please?" His eyes grew wide and his lower lip trembled. "Please?" He begged. "Hrrrrrmmm-rrm--rmmmm-rrrrrrm" Crazy Hand pondered. "HReeerrmeeemmmmm... Hrrmm..." He wriggled uncomfortably. "HRRRMMM... RRRHHHEEEMMM... UHHHRRRRRMMMM...Huurrr... Hurr... Pfft..." Ness's eyes remained hopeful. "Um. I farted. If those noises weren't already giving it away." Crazy Hand stated smugly. Ness froze, his left eye twitched. "You-" His arms fell limp. "YOU DIP-" Ness followed that up with all of the obscenities he knew, in every language he knew. He pulled his bat from behind his back and started to climb over the seat.

"Wait!" Falco pulled him back down. "We're here! WE'RE FINALLY HERE!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. The car pulled to a stop in front of a fancy mansion. "We. Are. Finally. Here!" Falco sobbed between each word. "R-really?" Tears began to stream down Ness's cheeks. He flung his door open and ran outside, Falco followed his actions. The two gulped in the air and rolled all over the cement. Ganondorf walked casually out of the car and stretched out his ams. "Wow..." He scratched his back. "That was short." Crazy hand floated out next, spotting Falco and Ness flipping out all over the floor. "HEY!" He shouted as he approached them. "You think you're crazier than me? YOU THOUGHT WRONG BITCHES! Prepare yourself!" As soon as his last word was spoken, Crazy Hand dropped to the floor, asleep.

"Yes! YES!" Falco and Ness raced up the steps, paying no attention to their surroundings. They burst through the door and stood thanking the Lord inside.

"Um, wassup guys." A familiar voice sounded beside them. They stopped their mumbling to see who it was. "Um, so.. where've you been." The voice's owner stepped out from the shadows. It was the one and only Kirby! The lovable fluff ball! "Welcome back!" He greeted them.

"Auuuugghh..." Falco groaned. "Kirby? You were the contest winner?"

"Um.. No. Crazy Hand was." He pointed to Crazy Hand, who was just walking in. Crazy Hand was about to explain when Falco silenced him. "It's okay..." He sighed. "You're crazy... You can't help it... I have a way to take care of my frustration." He took a deep breath.

"Peace... Serenity... Ummmmm..." Falco closed his eyes. "Haugh-Augh!" He shouted and punched Pit, who had appeared next to him just moments before. "Okay!" He dusted his feathers off. "I'm going to bed!"

"Me too!" Everyone chimed. Ness walked across Pit's unconscious body to get up stairs. Ganon did the same, but with high-heels.

"Mughh..." Yoshi walked in through the door. "What did I miss?"

"Hell Yoshi. You missed hell. PURE hell." Ness responded.

"Aw... man..."

A/N: Enjoyed the end? Took long, I know.

...Why was Kirby up so late... Hmmm?


End file.
